I Cried The Day I Realized It ...

The Magic of Horsecraft

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I Cried The Day I Realized It ...

Thoughts on choosing life and living a life of purpose

Paige Lockton

Oct 04, 2024

Transcript

I cried the day I realized it.

I was mortified.

Or neeeeeeearly mortified … because of course, ‘to mortify’ is ‘to put to death’. And I was already as close as I could get to THAT.

Or WAS I?

Of course we'll never know …

I lived, didn't I?

That in and of itself is a fucking miracle, all things considered! When the best form of treatment for what ails you is to bombard your sick, stressed-out body with the onslaught of surgery, poisoning, radiation, and hormone blocking ...

Yikes.

Things were … ‘rough’ … shall we say.

But you know what they say;

“Love it. Or change it.”

At the time, I was estranged from my husband and children, quarantined in isolation during COVID 19, having lost everything to bankruptcy, separation, and loss of health and income.

I had nothing left to live for.

But that's not true!

It's not true … or I wouldn't be here, would I?

And here I am! Evidence, not for the first time, that ANYTHING is possible!

Or neeeeearly anything.

Certainly, highly improbable things are possible! But I digress …

I knew that my children were suffering. I knew they feared the future and were close to giving up hope. I knew that if I gave up, it would confirm that it was all just too hard … and they would give up too.

I couldn't live with that. I couldn't be THAT soul - the one that said;

“It's too hard! It's too improbable! I'm clocking out!”

I was CLOSE. But I knew it would kill them. And although sometimes seemingly heartless, I was no murderer!

So, I chose to STAY. I CHOSE to live. I chose THIS life.

And then it immediately became apparent what my purpose was going to be!

And I cried. I cried UGLY tears! My face scrumpled in distaste and disbelief.

“No! No! Noooooo! Ooooohh no! Not ME? Not really? Not THAT? Oh God, to be THAT person!”

As someone surrounded by intelligent, arrogant atheists - one of them I would describe even as an ‘Evangelical Atheist’ - with total disdain for anything hippie-dippy or God related … and as someone who had given away her power and not used her voice …

… it was terrifying to face my becoming.

I was going to have to live out loud!

Yikes!

THAT was my purpose.

To own the process I was going through, as I shed the victim mentality that comes with a codependent upbringing … as I let go of the tight grip I had on my high-achieving-people-pleasing-Protestant programming … and I opened my mind and heart to new ways of seeing and being with the world.

I imagined the ridicule of my atheist friends and relatives, and the scorn for these crazy hippie-dippy ideas that I was embracing with horses and people.

“Ohh God …”, I imagined them all laughing and shaking their heads at some of the spiritual ideas and possibilities I was entertaining,

“She talks to TREES! She thinks EVERYTHING has a spirit!”

“You know, she gives her horses CHOICES! Whoever thought THAT was a good idea? Pffft!”

And so, I cried.

I was mortified. Or NEARLY mortified, as we covered earlier.

And now, four years later?

Well, I have been living out loud. I have been owning my truths. And I am still alive! It hasn’t killed me yet … in spite of FEELING like it would.

I am FREE.

I am free of judgment … or MIS-judgment. Free to believe the impossible. Free to live a life that FEELS good, to spend my time healing, being in nature, learning, and sharing.

You know, I may not have door handles on the 2008 VW Beetle that I call Mabel, but I love her! And, I have WAY more freedom than MOST.

How many of you have working door handles on your car? Go ahead, raise your hands! It's pretty much all of you!

But how many of you can spend your time in a cozy cabin, crouched on one knee, writing longhand with a flowy pen, beside an antique wood stove?

Right?

I AM rich! Or … I'm neeeeearly rich … which is pretty close!

For MOST intents and purposes, I get to live like I am.

Thankfully, my parents let me live with them and they ask for very little in return. Which, has allowed ME, to give A LOT in return! And, it's given me time to LEARN.

And … A LOT of time to put some imperfect stuff out into the world … to get over it … to evolve, and to grow it.

I am indeed the luckiest girl I know.

Next steps?

Self-contained, mobile living and independent wealth, health and happiness, bringing The Magic of Horsecraft to the world, and telling stories that shift perspectives, open hearts and minds to new ways of being with horses, AND with the humans that we share our lives with, too.

So, until we meet again, remember to take a chance.

Thank you for patronizing my work. Please consider becoming a paid subscriber and sharing this with others - it makes a difference!

ANYTHING is possible, together!

Paige

xoxox

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Discussion about this podcast

The Magic of Horsecraft

As the daughter of a veterinarian and a prodigy in international equestrian sport, it seemed like I was dipped in the Magic Sauce at birth, that allows ALL Wizards in the world of Horsecraft - no matter which discipline they practice - to connect with their horses like some kind of voo-doo Magic.

In my career as a coach, try as I might, I could NOT transmit this Magic to the beautiful 'Muggles' of the horse world (Humans not born into generations of Horsecraft who couldn’t access the ‘magic’ they were after with horses), no matter how much time and money they threw at me. Something was missing.

My father - an Equine Veterinarian and old time Horseman - argued that 'feel', or horsemanship, was something that could. not. be. taught. It was something passed down generation-to-generation that you were either born with ... or you weren't.

I say, "Neigh! Neigh!"

And who am I to argue that the Magic is teachable? That others can transform from ‘Muggle’ to Magician in the Magical art of Horsecraft and Life?

Long story short - I found out because I LOST the Magic!

Through bankruptcy, divorce, homelessness, breast cancer, chemo, radiation, and isolation during the covid 19 lockdown; I went from Magician to Muggle and I am working my way back again, day-by-day.

How did I do that? In studying the ingredients I needed to pull my life out of the shitstorm I found myself in, I developed a cool new super power. Turns out, I can find joy in a shitstorm! And YOU CAN TOO!

It also turns out that the ingredients to make the Magic Sauce for finding joy in your shitstorms ... are THE SAME ingredients needed to connect with horses like a true Wizard. Who knew?

I cracked the code! And now I am on a mission to share! Through my social media posts, podcast, workshops and courses, I aim to save YOU from the heartache of miscommunication and the pain of mechanical riding. As a bonus, this will also allow you to develop the remarkable resilience you need to thrive in the midst of chaos and to find joy in the shitstorms of your life.

Hang on to your hats folks! The Magic is learnable, practice-able and teachable. It is even MEASURABLE with a handy dandy little device that monitors your nervous system state. Pretty cool, eh?

So buckle up and keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times; it's is going to be a Wilde and raucous ride! I hope you will join me as I share conversations with old friends and mentors; some of the most powerful Wizards in the World of Horsecraft who are also the most resilient bunch of humans you will find on the planet.

Take a chance,

Paige

xoxox

ANYTHING is possible (together!)

Stories to help you move from Muggle to Magician in the art of Horsecraft ... and LIFE! Join me and my peers - veritable Magicians in the world of Horsecraft - to explore what it takes to develop resilience, to overcome fear, and to connect with horses. As the daughter of a veterinarian and a prodigy in international equestrian sport, it seemed like I was dipped in the Magic Sauce at birth, that allows ALL Wizards in the world of Horsecraft - no matter which discipline they practice - to connect with their horses like some kind of voo-doo Magic. In my career as a coach, try as I might, I could NOT transmit this Magic to the beautiful 'Muggles' of the horse world (Humans not born into generations of Horsecraft who couldn’t access the ‘magic’ they were after with horses), no matter how much time and money they threw at me. Something was missing. My father - an Equine Veterinarian and old time Horseman - argued that 'feel', or horsemanship, was something that could. not. be. taught. It was something passed down generation-to-generation that you were either born with ... or you weren't. I say, "Neigh! Neigh!" And who am I to argue that the Magic is teachable? That others can transform from ‘Muggle’ to Magician in the Magical art of Horsecraft and Life? Long story short - I found out because I LOST the Magic! Through bankruptcy, divorce, homelessness, breast cancer, chemo, radiation, and isolation during the covid 19 lockdown; I went from Magician to Muggle and I am working my way back again, day-by-day. How did I do that? In studying the ingredients I needed to pull my life out of the shitstorm I found myself in, I developed a cool new super power. Turns out, I can find joy in a shitstorm! And YOU CAN TOO! It also turns out that the ingredients to make the Magic Sauce for finding joy in your shitstorms ... are THE SAME ingredients needed to connect with horses like a true Wizard. Who knew? I cracked the code! And now I am on a mission to share! Through my social media posts, podcast, workshops and courses, I aim to save YOU from the heartache of miscommunication and the pain of mechanical riding. As a bonus, this will also allow you to develop the remarkable resilience you need to thrive in the midst of chaos and to find joy in the shitstorms of your life. Hang on to your hats folks! The Magic is learnable, practice-able and teachable. It is even MEASURABLE with a handy dandy little device that monitors your nervous system state. Pretty cool, eh? So buckle up and keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times; it's is going to be a Wilde and raucous ride! I hope you will join me as I share conversations with old friends and mentors; some of the most powerful Wizards in the World of Horsecraft who are also the most resilient bunch of humans you will find on the planet. Take a chance, Paige xoxox ANYTHING is possible (together!)

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